Phone Message

After working with Dr. M. for a while on letting go of my "need" for my depression, one day I awoke with this feeling of joy.  It was such an unexpected emotion, so welcome, so liberating.  I don't know exactly how it happened.  I went to bed tired and sad, crying, and felt that I had had enough... no more... and thought, "I DON'T CHOOSE TO BE ANGRY ANYMORE!!!!"  Nothing dramatic happened.  I laid there for a while and felt calmer, more relaxed, and I fell asleep.  When I awoke, though,
I felt great.   Better than I had for years. I remember going to work and thinking that I had to call Dr. M. and tell her how wonderful I felt and how great it was to let go.  I wanted to share the moment with her because she had been so instrumental in helping me to see that
I didn't have to carry the burden any longer, I could put it down, let go of the depression and not live it anymore.   I was in charge again and it felt great.

This is the message that I left on her voicemail on February 4, 2008:

"Good morning Dr. M. I am feeling wonderful.  I have decided that I am no longer in need of MY DEPRESSION.  I hope it is not sounding arrogant. I feel that I no longer need to be DEPRESSED as a manipulative tool to get attention.  I choose not to be DEPRESSED anymore"

It has been a while now and I am still making that choice.  Sometimes I go back a bit and feel sorry and then I remember how good it feels to "Lay that Burden Down" in the words of the gospel song.   Every day, every moment is a choice.

Dave